Return to Innocence

She lay quietly in bed. The conversation between her parents was playing incessantly in her head - like an earworm. It was getting on her nerves but she couldn't stop it. Her eyes were closed, but SLEEP was far far away.

Vritthi’s nine-year old brain was not able to understand life's games. Nobody seemed to know the rules... may be there were no rules. But then, why did they keep saying that life is a game? All the games she had played had rules - Hopscotch, hide-and-seek, running-and-catching… A child's world is so simple. The games she had played were all simple and fun. And all the children she had played with - they were all her friends. Did she know anyone who was not her friend? Faces flashed – Sushma, Rohan, Sumit, Krithi, Karthik - her best friends in school, Krishnappa, the watchman, Gowramma, the maid, her children, Toto, the white puppy… the list seemed endless. All people she knew and could smile at and laugh with - and that automatically made them her friends.

The adult world, Vritthi had observed, was very different. There were people who lived on the same street but didn’t care to look at each other in the face. It was a rarity to see a pair of adults who didn’t know each other exchange a smile. With the passing years, the innocence seemed to have waned. The love for the rest of the world, forget the world, the love for your near and dear ones is diminished.

In the past six months, Vritthi had seen more of the adult world – the insanity only Wisdom claims it can create.

Ma and Pa. Pa was a fun-loving and mischievous man, always inventing new ways to make Ma laugh or send a teaser her way. Ma was the balance of the family – responsibility and fun and love and all that goes to make a happy family… Of course there used to be little squabbles… but either Ma or Pa would take that first step and set things right. It didn’t matter who was at fault – it just mattered that everything was set straight and that there were hearty smiles everywhere. How she loved to bask in the warmth of this love.

Off-late, the frequency of the fights had increased and so had the intensity. The tender affection in their eyes was not to be seen anymore. They seemed oblivious to hurt they were causing the other. This was an attitude that Vritthi was unfamiliar with. She knew her parents to be very sensitive who would not consciously hurt another person, leave alone, each other.

Vritthi was too disturbed to sleep. She got out of bed and went into her parents room. She found Ma also lying awake in bed. Vritthi got into the bed and curled up beside her. She said, “Ma, I am not able to sleep.” Ma held her lovingly. “Do you want Ma to tell you a story?” “No Ma”, Vritthi replied.

After some moments of silence, Vritthi asked, “Ma, can you tell me how many friends you have?”.
“Ummm… let’s see now. There is Rosa Auntie, Chaitra Auntie, Vaibhav bhaiya… and Sumithra Auntie….and… that’s it”, said Ma. “As people grow older, don’t they meet more people and make more friends all the time? Shouldn’t the number of friends keep increasing then??”
Ma smiled. “As you grow older, your perception of friendship changes. So the number of people who satisfy your definition of friendship reduces.”
Vritthi was puzzled. “Then why don’t we change our perception so that more people will fit in? The more friends we have, the happier we will be in life, right? Easier still, no need to define only… by defining friendship, we are defining our happiness in Life… limiting it by our definitions… so why not just let things be?”

Ma pondered on Vritthi’s idea – wise... or just naive. She decided on the latter... She just dismissed Vritthi's question saying, "It is easier said than done. There are different kinds of people out there and you cannot blindly trust that everyone is your friend. Not all are good people... people you can trust. Look, there are terrorists and evil politicians... they are all people, but they do bad things. So it is important that we choose our friends carefully." When Vritthi insisted on knowing why people become bad, Ma just replied in exasperation, “People change Ritu. That’s what happens when you grow up… you can’t do anything about it. It is not in your control. You have to grow up.”

"But Ma, why should people grow up? If I have to do something and I ask you, you tell me that i am not grown up enough... and then, you say that people change and may become bad when they grow up. I haven't seen any children that are terrorists or corrupt politicians... if the whole world was filled with child-like people, wouldn't it be the best thing to happen?"
Vritthi, in all her innocence replied, “Ma, if growing up means to build walls around everything that we know and feel, and changing to become less happy and more greedy... then I don’t want to grow up Ma…"... she paused..." and I noticed… ”

“What?” Ma asked.

Vritthi’s eyes did not leave the floor. “Pa was not in your list of friends.”

“Were they indeed happy living in such emotional conditions? If they were not, then why do they tirelessly recreate these circumstances? Don’t they understand that I don’t like this… that it makes me sad? Does it not matter to them any more? Am I not an embodiment of their love?”… With a multitude of troubled thoughts Vritthi cried herself to sleep.

Truth had struck home. Ma could do nothing but sit in silence. How could she have missed this? Ma had not been able to zero-in on the reason. But now she knew. They had stopped doing the things they used to enjoy doing together. But now, those small joys of life had given way to the bigger troubles-expectations and responsibilities. But without those joys, it was impossible to handle everything else… and that was what had happened. She knew what should be done to set it right. And she did.

Ma went into the next room where Pa was sitting, unhappily staring at the rotating fan. He looked at her sourly as she entered the room. But she was not deterred. She remembered all the good times together… and she knew that it is only the good things that can bring people together again. She went to him and asked to speak. For the first time after the fights had started, they actually spoke about the problems openly. Focussed on the solutions rather than the problems… and at the end of this exercise, they emerged all smiles and happiness, ready to take on the world. They were together again…

Both Ma and Pa gave her a peck on either cheek and woke her up… Vritthi was surprised at the warmth. And she didn’t care why or how it had happened… she was just thankful to the miracle that did it. Little did she know, she was the Miracle.